Now Is the Right Time!
As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you play an essential role in your child’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-child relationship from the start, and developing healthy eating habits is a great way to do it.
Healthy eating habits begin in the early years and include developing family eating routines, giving your child choices about what and how much to eat, and modeling healthy options. Eating offers a time to learn about nutrition and about socializing with others, making independent choices, sharing portions with others, impulse control, and contributing to the food preparation needed for a family meal.
Family preferences and habits are deeply influenced by culture and allow for children to learn an essential part of their identity. When a child learns about their family’s eating habits and how they are different and similar to other families, they learn what makes their family culture unique and special. Eating together is an important part of childhood and can be a time for family bonding and for making healthy eating a way of life.1
Despite cultural differences in the use of utensils, spices, ingredients, and rituals, there are common guidelines for healthy portions and food choices that are helpful for all families. Although it may be frustrating when your child does not always choose the foods or the portion-sizes that are the most healthy,2 it is important to be flexible and patient. Being too rigid about eating rules will lead to power struggles and will often end up with you feeling that you need to resort to rewarding or punishing your child for what they do or do not eat.
In fact, sometimes parents end up using food as a reward (“If you eat three more bites, I will let you have a cookie”) or a punishment (“Because you did not eat a healthy breakfast, now you have to eat broccoli for lunch”). This can damage your relationship with your child, add to your daily stress, and result in your child not liking healthy foods. Rather than developing healthy eating habits, your child will just be complying with your rules and they will likely try to defy these rules when you are not watching.
Throughout the early years, children’s experiences with food will change as they are able to eat a wider range of foods and experiment with independence and exploration. Your child might find certain foods that they like a lot and others that they are unwilling to try. Being able to control what they eat is part of their attempt to assert independence. Involving children in grocery shopping, vegetable growing, and food preparation increases the chances they will try a variety of foods.
When trying something new, you might notice your one-year-old turn to you to see if you are there and make sure that this will be ok to eat. Your trusting relationship will give your child a sense that it is ok to approach a challenge because their important adult is there for them.
We all face challenges sticking to healthy eating habits. As your child is developing though, it is important that they can turn to you to offer suggestions for new foods to try, to be patient as they experiment with new foods, and to welcome them unconditionally to the family dinner table. The steps below include specific and practical strategies to help you build healthy eating habits and a relationship with your child that includes reliable and unconditional support and love.
Your child’s openness to try new foods and engage with others around the meal table are essential to developing lifelong healthy eating habits. You can begin by exposing your child to new foods that are just the right level of challenge for them, offer just enough support and patience for them to know they can trust you, and help them recognize and feel a sense of success and empowerment when they master the experience.
Today, in the short term, healthy eating habits can create
- opportunities for your child to have new experiences;
- a sense of pride and belonging in the cultural food traditions that are important to your family;
- a sense of confidence that your child can manage a certain level of difficulty; and
- a strong connection between the two of you as you navigate these challenges together and triumph in successes.
Tomorrow, in the long term, helping your child develop healthy eating habits
- develops a strong foundation for lifelong health and well-being;
- provides a firm foundation for exploration and openness to new experiences;
- builds skills in self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision making; and
- deepens family connection.
This five-step process helps you and your child grow healthy eating habits together. It also builds important critical life skills in your child. The same process can be used to address other parenting issues as well (learn more about the process).
These steps are best done when you and your child are not tired or in a rush.
Step 1. Get Your Child Thinking by Getting Their Input
One-year-olds may use babbling, single words, and crying to communicate with you. Pay close attention to your child’s facial expressions, movements, and sounds in order to understand what they are trying to communicate. Your efforts to learn from your child build trust and create empathetic interactions that let them know that you are interested in what they are thinking. This will make a big difference for setting the stage for healthy eating habits.
Your child will give you lots of cues about whether a change or an addition to their eating routine feels too big or too small for them. Every child is different and your own child may change from day-to-day in how willing they are to take on new foods and habits. The more they can be part of contributing to the family eating routines (e.g., shopping, growing, preparing, planning), the more they will be excited about meals together.
You are the person that will know your child’s cues better than anyone else, and you will be able to anticipate if eating something new and being flexible with expectations is right for today. Is your child feeling particularly tired? Did they just get hurt or are they hungry? Knowing how they are doing and what their facial expressions and body language mean will help you decide if a challenge is the right size for your child, right now.
In paying attention and noting small differences in your child’s verbal and nonverbal expressions, you
- show them that they can trust you to notice how they feel;
- let them know that you will help them to face challenges;
- will help them to advocate for themselves if something feels like too much for right now or if they need more support;
- tell them that they can trust you to help them gain a sense of which experiences are right for risk-taking and which ones are not; and
- deepen your ability to communicate with one another.
- Help your child notice their own cues so they can develop self-awareness and learn to trust their own feelings. This includes describing and naming the pride they may feel when they have tried something new. Pointing out the healthy eating habits that they demonstrate will help them notice their successes and know they are capable when the next challenge arises.
- Each time your child expresses any big feeling, be sure and name the feeling: “You seem angry” or “You seem happy.” This builds their feelings vocabulary adding to their self-awareness and ability to manage their feelings.
- When reading books, choose books that show families eating a wide range of foods and point out when they have healthy eating habits. “I noticed she had yummy blueberries for her snack. Mmmm.”
Step 2. Teach New Skills by Interactive Modeling
As a parent or someone in a parenting role, there is a lot to learn about understanding a child’s rhythms, temperaments, and needs. Because of all this learning, you will make mistakes and even poor choices. How you handle those moments can determine how you help build your child’s eating habits. Offering yourself the grace and permission to not be perfect can ease your anxiety in responding to your child’s needs. Learning about developmental milestones can help you better understand what your child is going through.3
- 12-18-month-olds will respond to their name and may use 5 to 10 words. They are starting to combine words with gestures and are starting to follow simple directions and remember recent events and actions. They may feel uneasy when separated from their loved ones.
- 12-18-month-olds are beginning to walk independently, can stack blocks, and point to objects of interest.
- 18-24-month-olds can understand 10 times more than they can speak, are starting to respond to questions, can point to familiar objects and people in pictures, and are starting to follow two-step directions. They are also starting to want to try things on their own.
- 18-24-month-olds are becoming able to throw and attempt to catch a ball without losing their balance, enjoy playing with new toys in varying ways, and usually participate in getting dressed without becoming upset.
Teaching is different than just telling. Teaching builds basic skills, grows problem-solving abilities, and sets your child up for success. Teaching also involves modeling and practicing the positive behaviors you want to see, promoting skills, and preventing problems.
- Model healthy eating for your child. Modeling can be one of the greatest teaching tools. When you are hungry, choose something healthy and make your thinking and feelings explicit. “I am feeling hungry so I am going to grab some blueberries for a snack. I really like blueberries.”
- Read and “pretend play” together. Use old food containers or pretend foods to play “dinner time” with your child. Use a take out menu from a local restaurant that you like. Then you can practice saying the names of the foods, being interested in them, and planning to take a “bite” and being curious about how it will taste.
- Talk aloud about the ways in which you respond to your own big feelings: “That is one of my favorite foods, and I am happy that you like it too.”
Step 3. Practice to Grow Skills and Develop Habits
Your daily routines are opportunities for your child to practice new vital skills if you seize those chances. With practice and your support, your child will improve over time. Practice grows vital new brain connections that strengthen (and eventually form habits) each time your child works hard toward a goal or demonstrates belief in themselves.
Practice also provides important opportunities to grow self-efficacy – a child’s sense that they can try something new successfully. This leads to confidence. It helps them understand that mistakes and failures are part of learning.
To build healthy eating habits, it is important to practice noticing feelings, giving your child a choice to try something new when they are ready, noticing the trusted adults that are always there to help, and remembering that the child’s strengths and pride in their own culture’s eating traditions can help them embrace family eating routines.
- It is ok to eat certain foods more often than others. Provide many opportunities for your child to be exposed to new foods and share in eating routines with family members. Even if it means mixing a small amount of the new food into another food that they already like. It will help them take one step closer to expanding their range of healthy foods. This will help them feel successful and develop an identity as someone who tries new foods.
- Provide age appropriate books, dolls, and pretend food at home to give your child many chances to see new foods and new ways of eating.
- Use your child’s dolls or stuffed animals to act out moments of new habit building. This is a good way to practice facing really big challenges. You could say, “Let’s give your doll a taste of this new food. I think she is going to like it. Maybe she can try just a little bit.”
Step 4. Support Your Child’s Development and Success
At this point, you’ve shown your child that you can be trusted to be there when they need you. Your child is learning to notice when they feel worry, fear, or stress when encountering a new eating situation. Now, you can offer support when it is needed by reteaching, monitoring, and coaching. This support tells your child that you see the challenge they are facing and you are here to support them. Parents naturally offer support as they see their child fumble with a situation in which they need help. This is no different.
- Learn about your child’s development. Each new age presents different challenges. Being informed about your child’s developmental milestones offers you empathy and patience.
- Recognize effort by using “I notice…” statements like: “I noticed that you tried the peas. I love seeing that.”
- On days with extra challenges when you can see your child is scared of new people or situations, offer confidence in your child’s ability to face the new. In a gentle, non-public way, you can say, “Remember how last time it seemed like the new food would be bad but you tried it, and it turned out to be yummy? I thought you might like this food too.”
Step 5. Recognize and Celebrate
There are so many amazing changes and developments to celebrate with your child. Each little achievement is something worth recognizing and celebrating.
Taking the time to recognize and celebrate can promote safe, secure, and nurturing relationships. It makes children feel secure and loved, which helps their brains develop. It builds a foundation for strong communication and a healthy relationship with you as they grow.
Though it is easy to overlook, your attention is your child’s sweetest reward. Your recognition can go a long way in promoting more positive behaviors and expanding your child’s self-esteem and confidence. You can recognize and celebrate your child with the following actions.
- Smile at your child.
- Make eye contact.
- Use caring facial expressions.
- Be physically gentle and caring with your child.
- Recognize steps along the way. Each little discovery about another person’s thoughts and feelings is an exciting step forward.
- Build celebrations into your everyday routines. Promote joy and happiness by laughing, singing, dancing, hugging, and snuggling to appreciate one another.
This year is filled with amazing changes — and not just for your child. Don’t forget to recognize and celebrate your own development and milestones as a parent.
Engaging in these five steps is an investment that builds your skills as an effective parent to use on many other issues and builds important skills that will last a lifetime for your child. Throughout this tool, there are opportunities for children to become more self-aware, to deepen their social awareness, and to work on their relationship skills.